I was having dinner with friends that I hadn’t seen in a while. We plopped into our seats, settling in to catch up on relationships, work, life, all the things.

Everyone wanted to know why I hadn’t finished writing my next book yet.

They stared at me, expectantly, waiting for my explanation.

“Sooo…?”

“Well, you know,” I began, bashfully, “I’ve had so many deadlines for my clients lately. Copywriting. Ghostwriting. Editing. Consulting. So many things. Plus, you know, I started a second business. And also…” 

I prattled on for a few more minutes, concluding with:

“But once I’m done with this latest bunch of client projects, then, for sure, I will finish the book.”

My friends nodded understandingly. 

Phew. I was off the hook. 

Except one friend was not having it.

“But Alex, you’ll never be done,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You said once you’re ‘done’ with these projects for your clients, then you’ll work on your book. But it’s never over. It will never be over. You’ll never be completely done.”

She continued, “There will always be something else—another client, or loose end to tie up. If you’re waiting to feel totally done, you’ll be waiting forever.”

I prickled with embarrassment, and told her, “You’re right.”

I’ll never be done. You’ll never be done. 

If it’s not a work deadline, it’s laundry or tax paperwork. It’s a fridge that needs to be cleaned or a friend that needs a favor. It’s children and elders who need care and attention. It’s all that we hold. The little stuff and the big stuff. All the important roles we play, many of which never end and always continue in some iteration or another. 

This dinner happened years ago. The conversation still echoes in my mind. 

When I catch myself saying, “I’ll start working out at the gym regularly once Nora is older…” “I want to schedule a weekly date night with my husband, but maybe later when life doesn’t feel so busy…” I hear my friend’s voice in my head: “But Alex, you’ll never be done...”

Done is a finish line that keeps moving. It’s a trickster. Just as you think you have crossed it, it evaporates like a mirage on the road. It doesn’t exist.

We all have something that we feel called to do—or yearn to do—and yet we don’t do it. The novel, the trip, the sabbatical, the date night, the quiet walk alone, the decision we need to make, or conversation we need to have.

Done is never coming.

We have to do the thing anyway. 

-Alex