Many years ago, shortly after graduating from college, 4 things happened:
1. I got engaged.
2. I moved to a new city where I had no friends, family, or support network.
3. I got a new job.
4. The relationship fell apart. We called off the engagement. And I experienced deep, bone-rattling loss and heartache for the very first time.
I was heartbroken. I was alone in an unfamiliar city. I was lonely. And I really just wanted to see my mom and get a hug. But she lived thousands of miles away.
At the time, I was working at a company that had two locations: one in Minnesota (where I was living) and another in California (where my family lives). I decided to ask my boss for something unusual:
“Could I fly to California once a month and work from the Los Angeles location for 3 to 5 days every month...so I can see my family more often?”
I figured this would enable me to keep doing my job while getting more time with my loved ones, which would be good for my wellbeing and mental health. Plus, I could get better acquainted with my colleagues in California and build relationships with them…and maybe this would help our projects flow more smoothly and be a win-win for me and the company, too? That’s how I decided to pitch the idea to my boss.
I was so nervous to ask for this “special Minnesota-California travel arrangement.” Asking my employer to pay for me to fly to Cali numerous times a year, just because it would make me “happier”? What a preposterous request! They were probably going to think I was a demanding diva who wanted special treatment!
I felt fairly certain my boss would say no.
To my great surprise, he said, “Sure.”
He thought it was a great idea and said we could start immediately.
I was so relieved. It felt like my whole body unclenched and tension-boulders melted out of my shoulders.
This experience taught me a powerful lesson:
You never know what’s going to happen until you just…ask.
They might say, “No.” (Which you can survive.) They might say, “Maybe.” They might say, “Let me think about it.” They might say, “Sure!” They might come back to you with a counter-proposal that’s even better than whatever you originally envisioned.
Even if they say, “No,” you still win.
You still gain something worth having.
You gain valuable information. You gain practice in the art of asking, which means you improve. You gain self-esteem and pride, because you were willing to be brave and try. You become a role model to those around you. Your child is watching you ask and learning from the courageous example you set.
What does your heart long to ask for? At work? At home?
It might not be such a “ridiculous request,” as you fear. It might be perfectly reasonable. It might actually be a win-win for everyone involved. They might be delighted you asked. They might say yes. You won't know until you try.
Be the person who asks.
-Alex
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